The Trouble With You
by the evil mumu-san
Summary: A Ranma 1 half inspired take on a HarryDraco romance. No prior knowledge of the anime necessary. R-rated for future. A very silly fic, in which almost everyone is Animagus and there is much slashy-ness and genral Draco torture (In a good way) ;)
1. Spring of Drowned, aw shit

Stolen from Ranma 1/2 and Harry Potter which belong to Rumiko Takahashi and J.K.R. respectively  
  
I really want this to be a Draco/Harry, but if it turns into a Draco/Hermione then it's not my fault. In other words. Warnings: hopefully slash, lots of unnecessary swearing, gratuitous use of the word "piggy" and perhaps some hot Draco lovin'. You know, the general sort of thing. *If you dislike Slash Don't read this, if you do and you give me feed back saying "hari + drako r knot gaaay" I will mock you*  
  
Special Thanks to my beautiful beta- Currer Bell  
  
Chapter 1: Spring of drowned - aw, shit.  
  
"- One of the long misunderstood facts about the Animagi transformation is that one will become whichever animal suits one's nature best. Nothing could be farther from the truth. If an Animagus transformation is done correctly and under the supervision of a fully qualified official there should be no reason that the individual involved should not be able to fully choose what they transform into. If this were not the case then the transformation would be a wholly impractical procedure, as a wizard could likely become some stunted and useless creature, thus making the lengthy and tedious process a waste of both the time and effort of the wizard involved.  
  
The only difficulties that come with a transformation happen when the spell is done incorrectly. In this case a wizard could turn into anything from a completely different animal than the one intended to a human/animal combination. Because of the serious risks behind the Animagi transformation the whole process should be carefully supervised by ministry officials and only attempted by a fully trained witch or wizard.  
  
Some of the difficulties that have arisen in the past because of improperly cast spells have been the tendency to change at a trigger rather than at will and/or the tendency to be unable to change back, even when "finite incantem" or other general revealing or enchantment ending spells are cast. In this case the only reversal to the transformation is the spell "animadverto veritas" which can be used to-"  
  
Slamming "Guys and Gals With Gills: When Animal Spells Go Wrong" shut Draco regarded the deserted library with a mixture of relief and disgust. So he had been right. There wasn't anything wrong with him; he had just somehow gone wrong with one of the many details involved in becoming an Animagus. Fine. It was disappointing though. Draco didn't, as a rule, put much effort into anything and to work tirelessly at something for months and then to fail so spectacularly at it was disheartening to say the least.  
  
It was all Potter's fault anyway. Why was it that everything that went wrong in Draco's life could be traced back to that specky git?  
  
Draco's desire to become an Animagus had been born one morning when he had stumbled down to breakfast to find everyone buzzing excitedly. It hadn't been the usual Hogwarts gossip-buzzing either. It wasn't even the "Buttoned down prefects caught shagging in the corridor by Snape," buzzing. It was the special sort of tone that everyone in his year had gotten used to. It was unquestionably Potter-related gossip. The whole school acted differently whenever Potter and his little gang were involved, and Draco, as someone who hated Potter with a special passion, was especially attuned to it.  
  
Plopping down next to Crabbe and Goyle, Draco had asked a flushed and excited Blaise what was happening. Blaise had answered, practically vibrating in his seat, that Weasley had been taken to the infirmary last night because of an improperly done spell. He had been trying to turn himself into some kind of bird of prey and had ended up all messed up with feathers in odd places. It had turned out that Potter and Co. had all been attempting the Animagus spell; the Mudblood with perfect success, Potter with a failure and then success on the second try, and the Weasel with -obviously- disastrous results. Unfortunately, Weasley had also managed to become an Animagus later on with Pomfrey's help, as righting the spell was the easiest way to fix him. The whole school had expected a huge punishment (or point deduction) but the headmaster had just chuckled, compared Harry to his father, made sure that they were all registered, and deducted 25 points apiece. He had even complimented them on their ability to successfully cast such a difficult spell.  
  
The memory still made Draco furious. The Weasel hadn't even been successful and still the senile old muggle-lover had commended him on flouting, not only school, but ministry rules! He might have just as well said, "Well since you three are all my favorites because you're all Gryffindor and friends with famous Potter, I guess I'll just favor you. Here have some candy."  
  
Draco wasn't bitter about it at all though.  
  
After the affair was over Draco had decided that he would have to one up Potter on this occasion. He was going to become Animagus, but he was going to do it without getting caught. He had sent to his father, whom had been only too happy to provide his son with the appropriate texts and ingredients, and had set about becoming Animagi.  
  
He had gone through a long list of potential animals. A snake was out of the question, as Weasley was a red-tailed hawk (or something equally uncreative and generally insipid), and the last thing Draco needed was to get eaten by him. A shark was disregarded as impractical (useless on land). Any sort of great cat was out of the question (Gryffindor-ish. ick). A dragon was impossible (it was impossible to turn into any sort of mythological creature). Draco had been tossing around a wolf (not literally, don't worry) when his father had written to him with a recommendation. His father had requested that Draco consider transforming into a wild boar, as they were highly useful and versatile creatures. At first Draco had hated the idea, but as he had considered it he had decided that he was sort of fond of the idea. No one messed with boars; something the small and slightly effeminate Draco rather liked. It would certainly be a change of pace.  
  
He had been sure had had everything done perfectly too, until he had seen the results of his work. Draco shivered in his seat. Still, there was nothing he could do about it now, and moping wasn't in Draco's nature. He just had to hope that his father and schoolmates never found out. He also had to hope that none of the tricky little side effects that sometimes accompanied an improperly done change ever happened to him.  
  
AN: That's it. I hope it was liked. Please send me constructive criticism :) Flames make me happy. The only promise I will make about this fic is that Draco will not be OOC; and I appreciate opinions on how I can improve. 


	2. Chapter 2 ph34r teh B4kin

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and Harry Potter still aren't mine (gee, ya think). Warnings: Still stupid, still slash. AN- Enter the Scooby squad . err, whatever. For you less than l33t people out there (good for you!) The chapter title is "Fear the Bacon".  
  
Chapter 2 - ph34r teh B4[in  
  
Harry ducked quickly as toast went flying overhead, and made a quick grab for the sausages before they found their way onto the floor. Gryffindor table breakfasts were always an ordeal, and Harry often wondered if the sorting hat had put them all in the one house because it guessed they'd all be able to make it through meals without flinching or running away. It certainly took a special type of bravery to face off against his other sleep-rumpled, irritable and utensil wielding house members.  
Looking enviously at Hermione, who had constructed a barrier out of "food repelling" spelled library books that were keeping her breakfast-food free; Harry speared a sausage and retreated to his seat. Hermione, sensing his gaze upon her, put down her book just long enough to give him a superior glance, before diving back into the thick and thoroughly tedious (Harry was sure) text.  
Ron began to poke Harry in the side with his porridge-covered spoon.  
"Oi, ook a Mafoy! Ave 'o don nyting to pis 'im of recenly Arry?" Ron swallowed the mangled piece of bacon in his mouth. "He sure looks pissed at you." After long years with Ron Harry had learned to decipher even the most obscure speech, and managed to gather that Malfoy was looking in his direction, and seemed displeased. He turned around in his seat and regarded the Slytherin boy.  
Draco did, in fact, look rather peeved. He wasn't looking at any of his breakfast, and was instead glaring full force at Harry. Crabbe and Goyle were both attempting and failing to get his attention, and finally shrugged at each other and also turned and glared, albeit with slightly more bewildered expressions, in Harry's direction.  
Not paying attention to his food was a bad idea, however, as Malfoy found out when he tried to spear an egg without looking and instead stabbed Goyle's hand. The loud scream echoed thought the great hall. Draco blinked, pulled his fork out of his housemate's hand, and continued to glare at Harry. Harry turned back to the Gryffindor table and shrugged. "I haven't done anything intentionally, but you know what an insane little ferret he is." Ron chuckled appreciatively and the two boys continued on with breakfast, Harry trying very hard to ignore the feeling of eyes on the back of his neck.  
  
*** Draco was furious. Not only had Potter ended his life as he had known it, but now the bastard wouldn't even recognize his presence for more than five seconds. He hadn't even bothered to acknowledge Draco's effort in the slightest and show he cared by glaring in return. His left eye began to twitch as he regarded the back of Harry's pink little neck, and Draco swept away from the table before he did something he would regret being caught for later. Halfway down to the dungeons, however, Draco felt a great deal less menacing and a great deal more ill, and he felt as if he might lose whatever breakfast he had managed to blindly stab. Losing the ability to hold himself upright Draco fell forward, hitting his head solidly on one of the stone walls. Everything went black.  
  
***  
Ron protested loudly as Hermione frog-marched him away from the breakfast table. Their first class of the day was Potions with the Slytherins', and Hermione wanted to get there half an hour early so she could give additional tutoring to Ron and Harry, who were both failing abysmally, as usual.  
Clunking down the steps towards the dungeons, both Harry and Ron in tow and grumbling, Hermione was the first to see it. There was a small albino piglet curled up with a gash in its head, just past the potions classroom.  
  
AN/ a cliffhanger- ooh! *snort*. I rather like this chapter. I'm not sure why. 


	3. The Pig Hits the Fan

AN: Sorry for the long wait :( My computer went insane. The good news is that chapter four will be out next weekend.  
  
Title: The Trouble with You Chapter 3  
  
Author name: the evil mumu san (ff.net) / mumuchan/ mumuchan2003@yahoo.com  
  
Pairings: Harry/Draco  
  
Disclaimer: Stolen from Ranma 1/2 and Harry Potter, which belong to Rumiko Takahashi and J.K.R. respectively. I'm not making any money (god knows). If I've made anyone really angry just let me know and I shall bake them a cupcake.  
  
Rating: Oh, PG-13 for now. Possible R in the future.  
  
Summary: A Ranma 1/2 inspired Harry/Draco romance. No prior knowledge of the anime necessary. Just a very silly fic in which Draco attempts to become an Animagus and fails miserably. Harry ends up helping him cover for it and much slashy-ness ensues.  
  
Categories: Romance, Humor.  
  
Warnings: Nothing to worry about; hopefully slash (duh), lots of unnecessary swearing, gratuitous use of the word "piggy" and perhaps some hot Draco lovin'. You know, the general sort of thing.  
  
Special Thanks To: my beautiful beta- Currer Bell  
  
The first thing Draco noticed as he slowly regained consciousness was that his head felt as if it contained thirty or so hippogriffs, all trying to escape from inside his skull. Groaning, he attempted to turn over, only to find himself held down. The pain in his head started to recede and he felt the cool, tingly sensation of a mild healing spell.  
  
Slowly opening his eyes Draco looked up. Above him loomed what appeared to be a gigantic, dragon sized Hermione Granger. "Oh," thought Draco, "This nightmare again." The gigantic Granger made a cooing sound and Draco attempted to pinch himself. Instead of waking up he was thrust into a tight hug, and he found his face stuffed between two breasts that, while being nothing special when Granger was normal sized, where at least twice as big as he was in this particular dream. "This certainly hasn't happened in this dream before; I thought she was going to try to eat me like she usually does." thought Draco, making an effort not to blush.  
  
Suddenly a loud familiar voice boomed near his ear, causing the pain to return with a vengeance. Wincing, Draco turned his head fractionally. A gigantic Weasley also loomed above him. "That's not right." Draco thought "Weasley is part of the "Ha ha, you're poor now" nightmare. Granger is the gigantic sized monster trying to eat me nightmare, Potter always appears during the naked at school nightmare-."Slowly what the weird giants were saying filtered through Draco's still-throbbing head.  
  
"Do you think it could be a student?"  
  
"Well, it seems like a pretty random place for a piglet to be."  
  
"Yes, we should take him to Pomfrey - aww, look he's waking up. How cute! I hope he's alright."  
  
"How do you know it's a boy?"  
  
"How do you think, Ron?"  
  
"Huh? Oh! Hey, maybe you should stop hugging it like that then. I think it's blushing. Stupid pervert pig."  
  
"Oh, honestly, Ron! It's a piglet. They don't blush and even if they did-"  
  
Wait a minute. Piglet? -What piglet? He turned into a pi- shit! Struggling mightily Draco attempted to squirm out of Hermione's grasp, but she was much stronger than he, and he was left squeaking helplessly and in an entirely undignified manner. Cooing softly, her two boy-toys following loyally behind, Granger carried him up the stairs to the infirmary and, Draco gloomily suspected, to his doom.  
  
*** Harry gazed curiously at the piglet, which was trying its utmost to get loose from Hermione's grasp. Something seemed wrong with the way it was acting. He definitely thought it was a cursed student; it just didn't seem very.pig-ish.  
  
Hermione was struggling to get the poor thing to calm down, cooing to it softly and being as gentle as she could whist still maintaining the death- grip she had on it. The piglet, however was having none of that and wiggled, kicked and squealed in a desperate manner all the way to the infirmary. Ron seemed dubious about the whole affair and kept eyeing the piglet in an annoyed manner.  
  
"I'm just glad we left the table early; if this had happened any later we would have been late for potions."  
  
"Oh, honestly, Ron, like we could leave a poor bleeding baby animal lying there. I cannot believe you sometime-OW!"  
  
Hermione had loosened her grip on the piglet and, seeing it's chance, the "poor thing" had clamped its teeth onto her hand. Swearing rather shockingly in several different languages Hermione desperately attempted to shake the animal loose.  
  
"OW! Ow! Harry, Ron, kill it!" Hermione shrieked while shaking the pig attached to her hand. The scene would have been quite comical if it hadn't been for the fact that both Hermione and the pig looked as if they would be seriously injured if something wasn't done. Acting on impulse, Harry did the first thing that came to mind.  
  
"Expelliarmus!"  
  
The piglet flew from Hermione's hand through the air towards Harry, who caught it with a Seeker's reflexes.  
  
Looking slightly dazed the small animal gazed up at Harry, it seemed too tired and confused to struggle. Harry held it tightly anyway, just in case.  
  
Hermione was looking at her hand, which was bleeding slightly, Ron was attempting to determine if she was all right while choking down his amusement.  
  
"Oh, shut up, Ron-- I'm fine. Stop laughing, it wasn't funny. Harry, is the poor thing alright?" Hermione asked, sucking on her bite-wound.  
  
"Fine, he's a bit dazed though, which means he's not putting up much of a struggle. Let's get him -and you- into the infirmary." Hermione smiled at him and they headed into the anti-septic scented room. Ron collapsed onto a chair and Harry and Hermione headed towards the back of the room, where Madame Pomfrey was administering a nasty-looking potion to two girls who appeared to be having a glaring contest and were both covered in nasty looking purple boils; clearing his throat, Harry got the hassled looking nurse's attention.  
  
Waving absently in Harry's direction, Madame Pomfrey turned and rummaged into a cupboard. "Yes, yes Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, what can I do for you?"  
  
"Well, you see, we found this piglet outside of the potions classroom, and we thought it might be a student, because Hogwarts doesn't often have piglets wandering around, so we figured we'd bring it to you-"  
  
Madame Pomfrey nodded curtly and reached for the pig, gently examining it before doing several spells and dabbing it in a few reveling potions. Looking mildly surprised she handed the still dazed-looking pig back to Harry, who accepted it gently. "No, Potter, it's just an ordinary pig, as far as I can tell. It looks like it's head it healing nicely, too, " This was said with an approving look at Hermione, who beamed. "It might be suffering from a mild concussion, however, I'd take it to Hagrid, he'll look after it for you." Harry and Hermione nodded and headed out of the infirmary with Ron. Halfway to the potions classroom Hermione checked her watch and turned to Ron and Harry. "I still have a bit of time before class starts so I'm going to run over to Hagrid's and leave the poor thing there. You two go down to the classroom and I'll meet you in a bit." Hermione jogged away, leaving a slightly annoyed Ron and an amused Harry behind.  
  
"Oh, honestly, I can't believe her sometimes," said Ron rather huffily. Harry laughed.  
  
Before potions class began a flushed but happy Hermione arrived at the classroom door, grinning. "Harry, Ron, you won't believe it! Hagrid has these new creatures, they're amazing, like wolf-bear combinations, I bet we'll have a really good care of magical creatures this year, but anyway, these creatures, they eat pigs, they really like them, and so Hagrid said that I could keep the piglet since I found it! So before class started I ran up to my dormitory and left the pig there. You two can help me care for it."  
  
Before Ron or Harry could respond Professor Snape swept past the class and into the dungeon classroom, the silent class followed meekly.  
  
"Hey," muttered Ron, "where's Malfoy run off to?"  
  
***  
  
After morning classes and lunch in the great hall was over the three Gryffindors' entered into the common room through the portrait hole and were greeted with a rather surprising sight: The white piglet seemed to have destroyed a good portion of the surrounding common room and was trying to get out through the portrait hole, several dozen Gryffindors' were chasing after it, throwing haphazard stunning spells and hitting everything but the fast moving pig. As soon as the trio entered the room the piglet attempted to break out between their feet, but as it saw Hermione it skidded to a stop, turned, and, squealing, ran under a couch, where it sat shivering slightly and making small grunting sounds.  
  
"Ah, Hermione, I don't think it likes you all that much," Ron said, looking very entertained indeed.  
  
If looks could have killed, the one Hermione sent him following that comment would have left him spontaneously combusted, possibly minus several vital organs. Turning huffily, Hermione flipped her hair and attempted to coax the piglet out from under the couch. The piglet gave her an incredulous look and backed away while attempting to bite her questing hands.  
  
Harry gave a long-suffering sight and headed over to the couch, grabbing the piglet by the scruff of the neck and holding its struggling form in the air to cries of "don't hurt the poor thing" from Hermione and angry squeals from the pig.  
  
Just then an enraged looking Lavender ran down the stairs, followed closely by an equally angry looking Pavarti.  
  
"That monster ruined the dorm!" Lavender looked as if she badly wanted a pitchfork just then. "I'll kill it!" The piglet stopped struggling abruptly and appeared as if it would like to be able to make itself smaller.  
  
"Oh, but it's just a baby." Hermione said, looking unimpressed at her dorm- mate's rage, which had most of the boys in the room wincing, "He doesn't know better, and I need to take care of him. Besides, how bad could it possibly be? He's so tiny, he can't do that much damage." Pavarti growled slightly and graded Hermione by the wrist, dragging her forcibly up the stairs.  
  
Several minutes later a very subdued Hermione walked up to Harry and muttered quietly, "I can't keep the pig in my room. I need you to look after it."  
  
Ron and several of the other boys made sputtering noises, and the pig began to struggle again, but Harry just grinned. "Sure, when we're not in we can just - hog-tie it." He gave the pig a predatory look, and it ceased once more in trying to get away, looking distinctly alarmed. Harry's suspicions were nearly confirmed. Most pigs that he had heard of didn't respond to English. There was something going on here.  
  
***  
It was with a great deal of distress that Draco found himself carried by his neck up several flights of stairs to the deserted sixth year boys dorms. It was with even greater distress that he found himself bound tightly with a curtain tie and tossed on the crimson sheets of one Harry Potter's bed, before said boy began to rummage through a trunk nearby. Taking out several books the-boy-who-lived began to flip through them, obviously looking for a certain passage. Draco couldn't make out the titles from where he was. After several minutes of furious flipping and muttered curses Potter let out a triumphant shout and aimed his wand at Draco, letting a muttered incantation escape his lips. Draco felt a dizzy twisting sensation in his stomach and a pricking sensation in all of his limbs. Harry watched from the bed in dull shock.  
  
Abruptly the ropes that tied Draco burst loose, too tight to contain him and the prickling sensation stopped. Then Harry said the worst thing Draco had ever heard come from his mouth.  
  
"Malfoy? Is that - you?"  
  
*** So - like I said, sorry for the long wait, next chapter will be up sooner. And just in case anyone is wondering - yes, despite the attraction Draco seems to have to Hermione, this is slash. Don't worry. 


	4. Red Shoe Sunday

Title: The Trouble with You- Chapter 4: Red Shoe Sunday  
  
Author name: the evil mumu san (ff.net) / mumuchan/ mumuchan2003@yahoo.com  
  
Pairings: Harry/Draco  
  
Disclaimer: Stolen from Ranma 1/2 and Harry Potter, which belong to Rumiko Takahashi and J.K.R. respectively. I'm not making any money (god knows). If I've made anyone really angry just let me know and I shall bake them a cupcake.  
  
Rating: Oh, PG-13 for now. Possible R in the future.  
  
Summary: A Ranma 1/2 inspired Harry/Draco romance. No prior knowledge of the anime necessary. Just a very silly fic in which Draco attempts to become an Animagus and fails miserably. Harry ends up helping him cover for it and much slashy-ness ensues.  
  
Categories: Romance, Humor.  
  
Warnings: Nothing to worry about; hopefully slash (duh), lots of unnecessary swearing, gratuitous use of the word "piggy" and perhaps some hot Draco lovin'. You know, the general sort of thing.  
  
Special Thanks To: my beautiful beta- Currer Bell  
  
Notes: To those of you aware of the Ranma 1/2 universe - Since Draco is an animagus, not a cursed martial artist, in this he will be keeping his clothes on from transformation to transformation (as per canon). Sorry, I know this is disappointing. However, if Draco was, say, taking a shower, and then he transformed then - heh.  
  
Anyone who can tell me why my chapter title is my chapter title gets crazy fangirl points and - and - I dunno, other good stuff - I'll, uh, write them into a sex scene with Draco -_-.  
  
In this chapter: Draco hates Harry. Harry hates Draco. Harry doesn't hate Draco so much. Draco still hates Harry, but must pretend to tolerate him. When are they gonna jump each other? Sorry Charlie, not this chapter.  
  
***  
  
Harry covered his eyes as a white light surrounded the piglet. Its form seemed to writhe, getting bigger, changing shape.  
  
So it had been an Animagus. He'd been right.  
  
The ropes tying the "piglet" sprang loose. Harry grabbed his wand from the bedside table.  
  
As the transformation ended the light faded and the figure became clearer. A Hogwarts uniform. Another unregistered student? How had he missed this? A boy, slim, with - white blonde hair? Malfoy?  
  
"Gahh! Malfoy? Is that you?"  
  
Lying in a disheveled heap at the end of Harry's bed, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide, Draco looked very much as if someone had killed his kitten (or perhaps stopped him from killing his kitten, bastard). Harry stayed frozen as well, staring at him in complete shock from his kneeling position near the bed's headboard. A full ten seconds passed. Suddenly they both sprang into action. Or, at least, Draco sprang; onto Harry, leveling his wand at the Gryffindor's throat. Harry more collapsed into action, dropping his wand and giggling helplessly, he made no attempt to fend off the furious looking blonde.  
  
"And just what," Draco hissed, doing a fair impression of "menacing", "Is so funny, Potter?"  
  
Harry wanted to answer, he really did, and he made a really honest effort at it, but he couldn't get anything out between the laughter. Finally he managed: "Malfoy", "You" and "Piglet" in between hysterical laughter. Draco blushed and snarled simultaneously.  
  
"You'd better not tell anyone about this, Potter," he hissed violently.  
  
Harry smirked at him. "Or what? You'll squeal at me until I die of vague annoyance?"  
  
Harry had him there. The most Draco could hope to do to Harry was to hex him. Maybe.  
  
"I could Obliviate you." Draco spat, trying to hide his failing bravado.  
  
Harry snorted. " Even if you were capable of doing the spell correctly, which is unlikely, as if you could you would have by now, the schools been warded since the end of second year. The most you could hope to do to me at the moment would be to throw some mildly nasty hex, and frankly I think that even Crucio would be worth it to see what happens to you when the whole school finds out you're a -" Harry collapsed into another fit of laughter and Draco attempted to look more menacing.  
  
"Fine, Potter." Draco snarled, abruptly releasing Harry and moving off the bed. "What do you want?"  
  
Harry stopped laughing abruptly and stared at Draco. " Pardon?"  
  
Draco threw Harry an exasperated look. "Well, Potter, as I sincerely doubt that you will keep this to yourself out of the goodness of your little Gryffindor heart, I suppose I will have to convince you to keep this - situation - to yourself in some other way. It's called 'Blackmail'; I believe it's the traditional means for dealing with such matters. So, once again what do you want?"  
  
Harry wrinkled his nose. "Malfoy, you don't have anything I could ever want that I couldn't get for myself. Blackmail might be the sort of thing a twisted individual like you would be interested in, but I think I'll settle for doing the nice, brave, noble, Gryffindor thing, and tell the whole school about you. For your own health of course, since you clearly don't have full control of your transformation and I'd hate it if you hurt yourself." Harry shot the panicked Slytherin a sarcastic grin and grabbed his wand, ready to fend off an incoming hex. Instead he was surprised to have Malfoy once again pounce on him.  
  
***  
  
Draco sighed internally. There was nothing for it; he'd have to result to alternate methods.  
  
Grabbing Harry's shirtfront, Draco frantically shook him. "You can't! Potter, please, please don't! You don't understand. My father, he'll - ". Draco dropped Harry's shirt and looked away, keeping his eyes wide and his face sad.  
"What does your father have to do with anything, Malfoy?"  
Draco surreptitiously pinched himself and both eyes watered. "He'll be so angry."  
  
"Your father? What? Will he - hurt you?" Potter sounded shocked and subdued. Draco did an internal victory dance. It worked every time. Why did everyone think Father beat him? Did he come off as an abused child? Just because Father enjoyed torturing and killing helpless Muggles didn't make him some evil psycho, honestly.  
  
Looking down, Draco sniffled slightly for effect. "Father, well, he doesn't try to hurt me, but he gets so angry and he just doesn't know his own strength sometimes. He put me up to turning into an Animagus and he'll be so upset that I've failed..." Draco trailed off. Potter couldn't possibly be buying this.  
  
"Oh. I never knew." Potter sounded awkward.  
  
He was buying it! He really did think father - HA! It was amazing Potter didn't walk into walls on a regular basis.  
  
Draco turned back to face Harry. "Just please don't tell anyone! I'll do whatever you want." Harry gave him a sympathetic smile.  
  
"I would never blackmail you, not after what you've just told me! How's this sound: we'll forget this ever happened, and I'll cover for you if something like this ever happens again." Harry hesitated. "But I have to know. Is your hatred of Muggle-borns and bad attitude just a mask you present to the world in order to appease your evil, abusive father?"  
  
Sixteen years of freely announcing one's hate towards Mudbloods is hard to shake off, even under the best of circumstances. Before Draco could stop himself and come up with an appropriate lie for the occasion "No, I really do hate filthy Mudbloods, you complete idiot," slipped from his mouth.  
  
Harry immediately stiffened and some of his friendly demeanor dropped. "Well, that's unfortunate." Gryffindor optimism appeared to take him once more. "But that's probably not your fault. Malfoy, We may not have a great history, but let's try to turn over a new leaf. We might not be able to be friends, and you might have to act like a prat but let's not hate each other, okay? Truce?" Harry extended a hand.  
  
At that moment there was nothing Draco would have liked more than to leave him with a scathing retort, hand still extended. His sense of self- preservation forbade such action, however, and he took hold of his rival's hand, giving it a half-hearted shake before letting go. He resisted the urge to wipe his hands on his robes. Potter beamed at him.  
  
Someone up there really hated him.  
  
***  
  
So, now that I have all that silly plot stuff out of the way (you know the "why would they ever tolerate each other for any extended period of time" plot) we can move slowly but surely towards the boysex! Yay!  
  
A very short but very important chapter.  
  
Next time: Will Draco be able to handle the awesome power of a well-meaning Gryffindor? Who the hell is Mr. Boo-boo? What are Hagrid's mysterious pig- eating animals anyway? - All will become clear! 


End file.
